Onmyōza Hyakumonogatari Story V "Rokurokubi"

(Rokurokubi begins at 8:00)

Well sure, I may have gone a little overboard with the drinking and gambling. But my wife is the one to blame. How come, you ask? Well, she's just too damn sexy. When I walk around town with her, everyone turns their heads with envious looks on their faces. Sure, I fell for her looks. Yes I did, guilty as charged. But you know, when she seriously uses her sex appeal on other men, I'm not just going keep quiet.

Like a while ago, when the fishmonger came by, she goes: "Isn't it hot?" and invites him inside and treats him to some cold noodles. I was going to eat those for lunch. And then, that fishmonger shamelessly helps himself to some sake, and is getting along really good with my wife. Goes without saying that that was my sake. That's when I told him to his face that if he was done trading he should just get out. And guess what? Without even a glance in my direction, he just tells my wife to take care and that he'd come by again. Does that sound like something a fishmonger would say!?

And my wife too, she didn't look altogether displeased! Gimme a break! What? [unclear] What do I care! Like, isn't that the proper duty of a husband? I let her have it. I told her that I'd be better off without such a bitch. Then she went and handed me a notice of divorce! The nerve on that woman! What? You're telling me it's ass backwards for a wife to give the husband a notice of divorce? Shut up! I can't help it! That's just what she did.

But you know, I'm a man after all; I wouldn't accept such a thing. That's why, uh, I threw it into the privy without even reading it. Serves her right. Huh? You're saying that my hand slipped and I dropped it when I was trying to read it in secret? D- Don't be silly! Like I'd do something that pathetic... I used that thing as toilet paper then threw it away. For real.

Anyways, I told her that it was her fault and she's the one who should apologize, otherwise she could just take a hike! And guess what, she really did! Even if that bitch comes back I won't even let her cross the threshold! I'm a man of my word. Right, buddy boy?
Ah... Mommy...

陰陽座百物語　第伍話「飛頭蛮」

たしかによぉ、俺は酒と博打が過ぎたかもしれねーよ。でも悪いの、かかあの方なんだよ。何が悪いって？あいつは色気が過ぎるってんだよ。そりゃな、あいつを連れて町を行けば皆が羨ましそうに振り返る。その器量に俺は惚れたよ、惚れた、惚れました。けどよ、その色気を本気で他の男に向けられちゃ男として黙っちゃいられねーよ。

この前なんかよ、家に来た魚屋を「お暑いでしょう？」なんつってよ、座敷に上げて冷麦食わしてやってんだよ。ありゃ俺の昼飯だったんだ。その後、その魚屋、しゃあしゃあと酒まで飲んでよ、いい塩梅になってかかあと話し込んでやがる。勿論俺の酒だよ。んで俺は言ってやったよ、「商いが済んだんなら帰えってくんな」ってな。そしたらよ、奴さん俺には一瞥もくれず、かかあに向かって、「元気でな、また来るぜ」ときたもんだ。それが魚屋の台詞かよ！

かかあもかかあで満更でもねえ面しやがってよー！俺悔しいよ！何？[unclear]、そんなもん知ったことかよ！こりゃおめえ、亭主として当然の事だろうが。だから俺は言ってやったんだよ、「おめえみてーなあばずれはこっちから願い下げ」だってな。そしたらよ、三行半書いてよこしやがったんだ、かかあの奴はよ！何？亭主が嫁に三行半書かれるってな、あべこべだって？うるせーよ！しかたねーだろ！書かれちまったもんはよ。

でもな、俺は男だ。そんなもん受け取れねーよ。だからあれだ、読まずに厠にどぼんだよ。ざま見ろってんだ。何？厠でこっそり読もうとして手滑らして落としたんだろって？ば・馬鹿言っちゃいけねーよ！誰がおめえ、そんなみっともねえ…　あんなもん便所紙にして捨ててやったんだよ。いや本当だって。

そんでよ、「おめえが悪いんだからおめえが謝れ！さもなきゃとっとと出て行きやがれ」とこうかましてやったらよ、本当に出て行っちめえやがった。あんちくしょう、帰って来たって敷居跨がせてやんねーからな！俺はやる時はやる男だぜ。なーおい？
嗚呼、母ちゃん…